Deserve
by Ezzaria26
Summary: The war was done, and Zuko was Firelord, but he had yet to stop beating himself up for all the terrible things he had done in the past. It was about time Zuko realized what he deserved. Katara just didn't realize she'd have to show him. Zutara/ slight Taang


**What am I even thinking? I should be working on all these projects I have to actually do… you know, for real people. But the Zutara.. Oh I couldn't resisit. I'm so sorry people who I owe projects to. Some projects are even a year and a half old… yeah, I'm pretty awful. But let's ignore that for right now and read Zutara. I'm new with writing the characters, so they're probably OC, and yeah. There's lots of dialogue… that was an accident.**

**Disclaimer: Avatar isn't mine… Otherwise there would be sooooo many changes.**

"I don't deserve this."

The gang was camping. It had only been a few weeks since Ozai had lost his bending and Zuko had won his right to the throne. Peace was beginning to be restored as Earth Kingdom soldiers slowly began to free colonies and liberate cities of oppressive Fire Nation troops. It was weird how everything just seemed... over... in the blink of an eye. The five teens weren't sure what to think of it, but they had decided they weren't just going to instantly relax. There needed to be a transition between adventure and... the normalcy the world was now trying to achieve. Besides, there was plenty of repair work to be done, people to check on, things to restore. Currently they were making their way to Omashu. Appa was taking things slow, and the group refused to verbally admit how grateful they were for that. They wanted a bit more time to enjoy the complete group. The group had become fully formed just in time to save the day, and then politics expected it to fall apart just as fast.

The gang just wasn't having it. Instead, they had settled for doing things their way. So, they were all together, adventuring for as long as they could before they all returned to their responsibilities. At the moment, they were all supposed to be sleeping.

So imagine Katara's surprise when she found herself awake hearing those four sad words. She knew who had spoken.

She was unsure of what to do for a moment. She kept still, shifting slowly to make it appear natural as she waited for more.

"All this time... I thought I deserved so much more... and now I realize I don't deserve any of it. Especially this." She briefly wondered who he was talking to. The stars? Himself? Maybe both.

"What's_ this?_" Katara asked, not even rolling over to face the once banished prince.

The sound of abrupt shifting showed that he had jumped at her voice, and Katara allowed a soft smile to come over her.

For a second soft and senseless babble came from him as he tried to come up with something - anything really - that could excuse him from answering. Finally he sighed. "I've done a lot of bad things. I tried to hunt down the world's savior just so I could get my demented father's approval. I tried to burn people, I stole from people, I insulted people. And then I join the right side just in time for them to win and now I have a throne and honor and people calling me a hero and... it's not fair. I don't deserve it."

Katara frowned into the black of the night at his words. "Okay. But you said 'I don't deserve _this_', not 'I don't deserve the throne and honor and being called a hero'. So... what's _this_?"

Katara heard Zuko shift in his sleeping roll. "It's... this! It's adventuring with friends... real friends, the real heroes, and being treated as if I haven't done all these terrible things. Being treated as if I'm equal... by you guys! You guys who I did some of the worst things to! You had it right when I first came to you guys. I didn't deserve your kindness and your openness. This sense of belonging and having fun and laughing freely as if there's nothing wrong with the world. That's... that's what _this_ is."

For a long time they both sat in silence. Neither shifted, Sokka wasn't even snoring, and the forest had joined them in the soundless moment. The entire world was waiting for something, and while Zuko and Katara couldn't take a guess at what, the world knew what it wanted.

Finally Katara decided she needed to say something, because there was no way she was going to sleep without it, even if Zuko was off in a land of dreams by now. "Zuko..." she began, unsure. "It is... extremely hard to forgive a lot of the terrible things you did. Almost impossible."

"Then why_"

"I said _almost_ impossible. Look, I have no doubt that there are a lot of people out there wanting to kill you. We found an entire town dedicated to the destruction of the Avatar. Did you know? They made giant floats in the shape of them and burned them."

"What? Really?"

"Yup."

"... Well, there should be a lot of people who hate me. I've done_"

"A lot of bad things. You've made that clear Zuko. I was there for lots of them, remember?" Katara pointed out. There was silence again. "But people recognize your sincerity. People see your honest effort and think 'he's done a lot of bad things, but he's actually doing this now because it's what's right, unlike those people who have never done a bad thing in their life but are helping others for fame'."

For a moment Katara thought what she said might've done something for Zuko. But she was deceived. A minute went by before he finally said, "That... doesn't make sense."

Katara narrowed her eyes, rolling over in a very abrupt motion so she could face him. In the dying embers of the fire she saw his eyes boring into the sky, golden meeting inky black. "You equated my mother's necklace to your pathetic, stupid honor, as if it could hold a candle to the meaning behind the only thing I have left of my dead mother. You tried to capture the world's savior so that you could go back to living in a luxurious house like the spoiled brat you were. You betrayed me in the caves after I offered to help you with very rare healing water just because you got scared and went with the winning side. You nearly cost the world freedom because of your persistence and you narrow minded foolishness and your idiocy and your cold-hearted actions and your selfishness. You terrified us and sent us running numerous times while we were trying to prepare a poor _twelve-year-old boy_. When I thought of the enemy... I saw you," she murmured loudly enough for him to hear as she stood, acid dripping from her voice.

Zuko continued to stare at the sky, though his eyes were wide and she swore she saw water at the corner of his right eye.

"You haunted me for an entire year... and then we just took you in... like you hadn't done_ anything_ wrong." Her voice was deadly and steady as she approached him. "How _dare you_." And with that she kicked him in the side.

He recoiled, curling into a ball as he screwed his eyes shut. A hiss slid out through his teeth, and Katara whispered, "Is _that_ what you want me to do for all the terrible things you did?"

Then he opened his eyes a sliver and muttered, "I deserved that. Or..." He clenched his teeth as he began to uncurl from his ball. "Or worse. Probably worse."

Katara tossed her hands into the air before falling to her knees beside him. She looked furious, but it was for entirely different reasons than what Zuko thought. "No!" she scolded, balling her hands into fists against her thighs. "You did _not_ deserve that. You stupid, ridiculous boy. And they gave you the Firelord title. Seriously... Zuko, no matter what you have done in the past you didn't deserve that. You deserve a lot of things, Zuko, but I think the worst of anything you deserve is a poke in your side or a shove against your shoulder when you say something brainless. Why can't you see that?" Katara released one of her fists and slowly pressed that hand against Zuko's side. He sucked in breath sharply, muffling a cry against pressed lips after he did so. Katara's stormy eyes widened. "Zuko?"

He shook his head when she leaned in to see what was wrong. "Nothing."

Katara narrowed her eyes, suddenly very worried. "No, no, it's definitely..." Without asking she slid up his shirt and barely had enough breath to say 'something' at the end of her sentence. His side was covered in purple and blue... after one kick. "Did something happen here... before I kicked you, I mean?"

Zuko shook his head.

"Then... that couldn't have been..."

Zuko smiled bitterly, golden eyes fluttering up to the sky. She followed his gaze, and that's when she saw it. The full moon. "Guess it's not just your water bending that's improved with the moon, huh?" Zuko muttered.

"Oh... Jeez, I'm just... I'm so sorry.. I..." In a flash Katara had fetched her water from its pouch, allowing it to cover her hands and glow brightly. Then she gently pressed her hands against his side, and he inhaled a lungful of air again at the cold contact.

"Agni..." he hissed, and Katara's eyes softened and she frowned. She began to analyze his wounds, realizing her kick had broken his ribs.

A deep sigh escaped the water bender as she did her work. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean... I just... I was sure you'd yell at me and then... but no you just... _took it_... Zuko, you can't do that," Katara informed the teenager lying before her.

"Well what do you want me to do?"

"Tell them you've done your time. You've paid for all the bad things you've done, and you've done so many good things. All you wanted was a family. You wanted your father to approve of you, your mother back, your home back. A lot of people wanted that during the war, but because it was _you_ it was suddenly a bad thing. Your sister was crazy, your dad hated you and was the leader of the enemy, your mother was gone... When you came to us at the Western Air Temple Toph said you could've turned out a lot worse. She was right. You definitely could have," Katara said. She wasn't quite satisfied with what she was saying, though. It kind of sounded like she was just trying to make him feel better, yet at the same time bring him down. She wasn't going for that. She didn't want to make him feel better. She wanted to show him why he _was_ better. "Anyway... Look, you had to sacrifice a lot to become good. You had to sacrifice your real family, your... girlfriend..." Katara wasn't why it was so hard to say that. "You gave yourself up to people you had hurt, knowing they could probably kill you or torture you or bring you down for the rest of your life for all the things you had done. That takes courage, and knowing what's right. You stopped Azula from taking the throne, you agreed to release the colonies, you trained the Avatar in fire bending, you helped me find the man who killed my mother, you saved Aang from Zhao, you helped Sokka free Suki and our dad and... that prisoner guy... and you saved me from dying by Azula's lightning."

When Katara had finished mending the ribs she glanced over at Zuko's face and was shocked to see him looking right at her.

He blushed when she caught him and then abruptly turned his head. "I don't know..."

"You know," Katara started again, making one last connection when she had went to slide his shirt back down. Her eyes had caught the scar that he had received saving her. She reached forward and traced it, earning a shudder from Zuko because her fingers were still cold from the water. "It's sad... every time you do something good..." She moved her fingers again, this time falling on his infamous scar on the left side of his face. "You always end up getting a scar. It's a price you shouldn't have to pay for being good... but it happens to you all the time..." Feeling bold suddenly, Katara rested her head against the fire bender's chest, tracing the edges of the scar on his face. "I think it's your body telling you not to take for granted all the_ good_ things you've done. It's reminding you that you deserve so much better..."

"You said I deserved a lot of things. If the worst of those things are getting shoved in the shoulder for saying something stupid..." Zuko slowly sat up, causing Katara's head to slide onto his thighs. "Then do tell what good things I deserve."

Katara grinned. "I think you deserve whatever you want, but if we're being specific... a family that loves you. For now, that's us, and when you get married and have kids you'll still have us... I think you deserve good food everyday, constant support, somewhere safe to return to, a home, a good night's sleep... every night, mind you. I think you deserve happiness... and someone to give you love every moment of everyday. I want lots of people to love you, but I think you deserve someone who will constantly be there to love you all the time."

Zuko looked at her with raised eyebrows. "What kind of someone?"

"A girlfriend... eventually a wife..." Katara wasn't sure why her heart was speeding up in that moment, but it was and she couldn't control it.

Zuko's heart was doing the same for some unexplainable reason, though the world was watching eagerly, knowing what they'd been waiting for was about to occur. Despite this, his face fell, and his back hit the sleeping roll and grass below him with a thud. "Funny you should say that after my girlfriend just dumped me."

Katara shot upward, a look of disbelief plain on her face. "_Mai_? Mai dumped you? The Firelord? The fire bending teacher of the Avatar! The almighty..." She found herself laughing, partially because Mai seemed like the type to be dumped because of her obvious lack of personality, and partially because she felt oddly... relieved? Katara tried to quell her laughter, cupping a hand over her mouth. When she felt the sound die away she moved her hand to brush her brown hair out of her face. "You know, it doesn't have to be Mai. She never seemed to match your fiery personality, pardon my pun."

A light chuckle escaped Zuko at this as Katara settled her head on his chest once more, his shirt having unfortunately slid back down, however, since he had sat up at one point. "Hopefully I'll meet someone then. But it's not likely. Most will only want me for my power. I can't imagine someone wanting me for my looks and personality."

Katara thought it over, and realized Zuko did have quite the temper, and a glaring lack of patience. There was also the mocking attitude he occasionally had. And as far as looks, he had a giant pink scar stretched across his chest, and a darker one covering half his face... But Katara couldn't imagine why there wouldn't be a girl who could see past all of that and witness the good that was in Zuko... though why the thought bugged Katara, the water bender didn't know. Besides, the scars were actually quite appealing to Katara, though if anyone accused her of it she might initially deny it. Still, she was slowly growing more confident in the fact that she found his scars to be one of the sexiest things she'd ever seen. "Or maybe you've already met someone," she found herself saying.

That made Zuko laugh harder, and if Katara wasn't so entranced by the way his chest moved beneath her when he laughed, maybe she would've wondered how Sokka, Toph, and Aang had failed to wake up and make a remark about the odd interaction going on between the water bender and the fire bender. "Let's see... Suki's taken. Toph is twelve, and even when she gets older... Nope, let's just say that would not go well. Ty Lee is hyper and too happy and I've managed to insult her a lot... I stole from that one Earth King girl... Sung... Song... Something like that... I definitely killed that date with Jin... Jun's convinced I'm dating _you_... and yeah, that's pretty much it."

Katara... well, to say the least she was offended. He hadn't even listed her as an option! "Hey, do I just not exist? Or do I simply lack boobs in your eyes, because I assure you I'm a girl! Right here! You _have_ met me!" Katara suddenly shouted. She swore in that moment that she heard a girly yet tomboyish snicker that sounded vaguely like Toph, but she was probably imagining it, because her head was on Zuko's unmoving chest, and he was the only other one awake.

"Y-you... you _want_ me to list you as an option?" Zuko asked in disbelief.

Katara was now fuming. "Yes! Yes as a matter of fact I do! Contrary to popular belief, I am not the Avatar's girl. He does not own me simply because he saw me after waking up from his chilly coma of ice! He is twelve, and I thought I liked him, but if you went on a date with him in Ba Sing Se after the end of the war you would realize it's awkward and he's not ready for a relationship and, believe it or not that over dramatic actress who wouldn't shut up about hope when she was playing me was absolutely right! He's like a brother, but no, everyone see's me and thinks 'Oh! That's arrowhead property.' " Katara wasn't even looking to see if Zuko had something to say. She was furious and felt something bubbling up inside of her... and it seemed like her heart had more to say than she had planned. "_Maybe_ I happen to like mature guys who take risks and make mistakes and do all they can to fix them, who aren't the almighty Avatar and who have seen and personally experienced what war is capable of, who was on both sides and then chose the good side! Maybe I like guys with a fiery personality! Maybe I like guys who don't force me into anything or kiss me without permission when we're not in a relationship! Maybe I like guys who are scarred! Maybe I like guys who are willing to fight and not just avoid everything until there's nothing else to do! Maybe I like guys with lots of messy hair! Maybe I like guys who have to fight for their status!"

"That's a lot of maybes."

Katara was practically out of breath when she replied, "Not really. Just a lot of truths. Forget the maybes."

"Oh."

"Forget the truths, actually. Really it's just a lot of stuff about you. Truthful, but pretty much all about you."

Zuko stiffened beneath her. "So... s-so wait... you just..."

"Look! I'm sorry if you maybe just have this thing against water-benders or girls who were briefly involved with the Avatar!" At this Katara sat up. "But this particular, once-involved-with-the-Avatar water bender happens to_" Her voice died when she looked down at Zuko's blushing face. It took her a few seconds to find it again. "Like... you..." And then she kissed him. But she didn't just stop like she probably should have. She continued until they were out of breath, because really, Zuko deserved something that could leave him breathless.

"So..."

They were both breathing heavily, though Katara refused to meet his gaze for a while, even as he stared at her in confusion. The world could sense it. Just one final push and the world would have what it wanted.

Katara sat up, her upper body weight being supported by an arm that she pressed into the ground. "And if I can like you despite all that you've done, imagine all the other people you can befriend," she murmured to the boy. He really was just that. A teenage boy. There was no title when it was him and her. There was no Firelord Zuko, the one who had to show the world that he was not Firelord Ozai. There was no Master Katara, the one who healed the Avatar when he almost died. There was a boy trying to figure out if he could move forward, and there was a girl trying to see past her emotions and show him all that there was to move towards.

"So when you said you liked me... you meant just as a friend? Because friends don't normally kiss each other," Zuko pointed out, sounding more confused than ever.

She hadn't wanted to make him more confused. She'd wanted to reassure him, get him to firmly believe in himself and all that he had done and could do. But she was now confused, too. "What does it matter, Zuko?" Katara asked, suddenly sounding tired as she stood up and faced away from him.

"It matters a lot! Because... you said I deserved someone who would love me all the time, and I need to make sure I don't get things confused. When you said that, you meant love as a lover _and_ friend, not just a friend, right?"

"Yes," Katara replied grumpily, wishing he would stop talking so she could think. Her heart was still pounding in her chest, and from the way his voice had just cracked, she figured it was safe to say the same for him.

"So which is it, Katara? How do you like me?"

"Why is it so important for you to know?" Katara yelled, whirling around with rage written all over her face.

"Because maybe I don't want to get my hopes up if you only kissed me because you were in your own little moment!" Why were they fighting? Katara didn't want to fight with him. She was in love with him.

"I don't have _little moments_! I have big moments! Moments where I realize I somehow fell in love with you! There! Is _that_ what you wanted?" Katara's chest was heaving as she stared down at him. She saw his eyes go wider than ever, his jaw going slack at that statement. His ribcage rose and fell slowly. Finally Zuko slid out of his sleeping roll and began to slowly stand so he could meet her gaze head on.

Gold met blue. "You asked me that after you kicked me, too," he informed her, voice low.

"Because you're being ridiculous, going on about how you've been this terrible person who only deserves to be punished and beaten up, and every time you say it it just makes you sound like you actually _want_ that to happen to you!" Katara insisted angrily, and that's when she realized tears were beginning to spill out from the corners of her eyes. She looked up at Zuko now that he was standing. "How could you _want_ that?"

"Of course I don't want that! But it doesn't matter. I've done bad things. It doesn't matter what I want now!"

"But it _does!_" At this Katara's voice dropped to a whisper so soft Zuko had to wonder if he had actually heard her say anything. "If you keep beating yourself up about it and actually thinking you deserve to be brought down and treated like scum, if you actually _want_ people to show you how angry they are with you, then maybe you _do_ deserve to be beaten up and tossed out. But I know you, Zuko." At this she looked up at him again, striding forward boldly and fisting her hands into the front of his shirt. "I know you and I know you can't actually want that. What you want... makes _all_ the difference."

Zuko hesitated at first as he looked straight into her eyes. Those eyes that used to look at him in hate, even when he was on her side. But finally he nodded slowly, waiting as Katara cooled off, her breathing slowing down once more. "So, I'm going to ask again. I've fallen in love with you. Is that what you wanted?"

Zuko opened his mouth slightly as he bowed his head to look at his feet. "I never thought I could have you. What with_" Katara pressed a tanned finger to his lips.

"No. We're not talking about that yet," Katara whispered to him. Then she removed her finger, allowing him to talk once more as she leaned her forehead against his own. "Is that what you _wanted_?"

If she wasn't so close, she might not have heard him murmur the word 'always'.

Always? Even from the beginning when he had stormed into her small village and demanded the Avatar? _Always_? Katara was curious and looked up into his eyes, seeking that answer. Eyes weren't always for seeing. Sometimes they were for showing.

He showed her a world where he swore he deserved humiliation and shame and agony until he could accomplish the impossible. He showed her a world where he believed he didn't deserve happiness until he tossed away all he could ever want for such a useless word as 'honor'. And then he showed her a world where she stepped in and made him want to give it all up just so that he could look at those stormy eyes and say he had a right to have her hand in his. He just had never thought he could deserve that world.

But he'd always wanted it.

"Well, Zuko, I think you deserve whatever you want."

It was an unspoken fact between the two that they would take it slow, despite Katara's strong confession and Zuko's desire to have her always. But it was only temporary. They kept it slow just like the trip to Omashu, not wanting to reach the end quite yet.

Appa landed outside Omashu. The group was consulted with what to do with the destruction that had been caused in Omashu, with how to rearrange military operations, with where to send more supply caravans first. No one made any rude remarks at Zuko's presence. In fact, they welcomed him and thanked him for training the Avatar so well. He really couldn't take the credit, but his modesty made the Earth Kingdom citizens just smile more. They said he had helped the world, that he had saved innocent lives in doing so, that he had given up a lot just to train Aang. No one mentioned the word 'honor'. But there were many who seemed to mention something else, though not in the Fire Lord's presence.

Through every encounter and meeting, Zuko held Katara's hand in his.

More time passed, and Zuko began to befriend some Fire Nation soldiers. Before he wouldn't have believed that he deserved the friends he already had in Sokka, Aang, Toph, and Katara. But he found himself wanting to join the soldiers in training, and Katara reminded him of what she'd said to him. He seemed hesitant until she waterbended some water out of the pond and used it to push him out into the training field and soak him at the same time. He whirled to glare at her and shout something along the lines of "What are you doing?" But instead when he went to stand up he found a soldier offering his hand.

"Women," the soldier said with a grin, and the soaked Fire Lord grinned before standing up.

Again time flew, and Zuko found himself wanting his mother again. Katara woke up to the sound of his sobs one night as they traveled to Ba Sing Se, and she pushed herself up on one arm, looking across the tent at him. Aang continued to sleep like a log, but Katara got up and made her way over to the Fire Lord. He joked about her kicking him, and she reminded him it wasn't a full moon before she leaned on his shoulder. "You want your mom," she observed.

"There's no time to look for her, though. We have to get to Ba Sing Se and set up new regulations, and even though I want to find he_"

"There's plenty of time, if that's what you want." They found her six weeks later. It was another three before they finally reached Ba Sing Se.

Another year and Zuko struggled with negotiations as he tried to eradicate the last of the colonies. "I don't understand!" he shouted in frustration, fire bending a storm that somehow skillfully missed every piece of paper and wood in his office and instead wrapped him in flames. "My people want one thing, and the Earth Kingdom wants another and I just... this has to stop!" His voice rose in volume, and Sokka and Aang flinched, preparing for restrain the raging Fire Lord. Toph felt no worries, content to watch and think. Katara, however, watched Zuko with hard eyes. "I just want to attack and just take it and then there! It will be done." Yes, it may mean attacking innocent people and starting another war, but Zuko was beyond frustrated, and he wanted the whole issue gone.

That did it. Aang and Sokka were going to attack. But then Katara stood, and the room went cold. "Fine," she said icily. She picked up a piece of paper and quill, signing her name at the bottom and holding it out to him. "If that's what you want, write up the war declaration fast." No one could believe what she was doing, not even Zuko.

He looked at her, eyes wide, and he saw it in her eyes. This was the moment where he had to choose for certain what he wanted. It was in this moment that he saw that she truly believed he deserved whatever he wanted, no matter how gruesome. But he knew he couldn't want both, and he knew which one he would always want above all.

Zuko burned the paper before Katara's signature could dry, and that's when she knew for certain he would always want her above all.

When Zuko and her went down to visit the Southern Water Tribe, it seemed Hakoda knew as well. "I want nothing more than your daughter and her happiness," Zuko stammered.

Hakoda sat there, leaned back with his arms crossed over his chest. "Oddly enough," he began as Zuko sat on the edge of his wooden stool, cold and nervous, "I think you've come to deserve her. If she'll have you, you may marry her."

The thing Zuko loved about marriage most, however, was that he could always claim his right to hold her hand in his whenever he desired.

"I think you deserve whatever you want," Katara repeated, remembering that day as she sat on the bed, eying her hand resting beneath his considerably warmer one.

Zuko glanced over at her, a little confused at the line he remembered hearing years ago. "I know."

Katara smiled, leaning over and kissing him. "I'm glad you wanted me."

**Thank you for reading. Constructive criticism and reviews are much appreciated.**

**Ezzy**


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